PISSED about random people

I am so fricking pissed off! I want to make sure whoever thought of putting video advertisements on the internet dies a slow and painful death... WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM, DAMMIT!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THOSE IDIOTS? DON'T THEY REALIZE BECAUSE OF THEM I HAVE DOWNLOADED LIKE 30 MINUTES OF VIDEO (IN ONE DAY) WHEN WE HAVE A LIMIT EACH MONTH, AND I AM COMPLETELY AGAINST BUYING THEIR PRODUCTS BECAUSE OF THEIR ADS!?!?!?!?!?


As much as I hate it when people capitalize everything because it looks like theyre yelling through one of those microphone things people use, you know, usually red and white? I couldn't help it. I do want to yell all that in their damned faces.

Also, I am trying to listen to music on my computer. I should have the right to listen to it without being interupted by lysol ads.

Now, aside from the idiot who thought of that, the teachers who gave us tons of homework on a busy weekend when almost half the school is busy, and my mom, there is one person who I am particularly pissed at.

For school, we were supposed to go to this rehearsal for the local community band. Well, I went with a friend because we don't get to spend much time together outside of school or in school. Her friend showed up (her friend is a grown woman she considers practically her mom) and we ended up getting into a conversation. I didn't realize it was so loud, but then this guy comes over and starts practically yelling at us about how if we want to have a conversation we can leave the auditorium. Well, for one thing, I may never get another chance to spend time with my best friend outside of school, because I may be moving soon. Also, if that guy wants to watch the concert in complete silence, he can buy a frickin ticket and go to the real performance where they actually enforce the rules, because IT'S THE REAL PERFORMANCE STUPID. And that way, he won't be watching without paying and support the community band, which he apparently loves. Yeah, we were talking kinda loud, but a simple, "would you quiet down," would have more than sufficed. And you know what? While the conductor was announcing things, he kept yelling things at him, the sort of things audiences at rock concerts would yell, except this was a rehearsal where maybe five of the people were not there for school, and he was the only one yelling. What an asshole. The rest of us wanted to hear the conductor, and unlike this guy, I will probably be PAYING for a ticket when they have the ACTUAL performance, and I will listen to the whole thing this time because it will not be a chance to talk with my friend. And this way, I will only have to listen to those awful, eardrum-bursting bagpipes once because it won't be a rehearsal.

In the often-repeated words of a friend, "life sux"

Where to even begin.

Let's start out with something to fill the gap between religion-related topics: after three years of thought, I have realized I was meant to be Unitarian Universalist. Well, my family is Catholic and doesn't understand the point of other religions very well. Today at church my mom made me walk up with them, even though I didn't have any money to add to the collection basket. I was worried she was going to make me talk to the priest after mass. I didn't actually tell her that I now consider myself a different religion, I just said I was seriously considering UU. Now she's probably going to start calling me a heathen if I complain about going to church because I'm sick or something. FML.

Another reason I don't fit in with my family: I am bisexual and can't tell my mom, and have Asperger's and even though it's so frickin blinding obvious, she doesn't believe me. WTF. I'm getting pissed off more and more because my mom is always ignoring me in favor of Adam, who is brattier than ever. Why me?

Also: the second anniversary of my dad's death is coming up, and just when things are going right, we're planning to move. WHAT THE HELL!? I am fairly sure the boy I like who seems like some sort of missing half of me and I'm already friends with likes me back. Also, my best friend who is on the verge of killing either her dogs or herself would go beyond the brink of insanity if I moved and very likely commit suicide.

Despite those huge cons of moving, there are definate pros: there is a nearby (well, about 40 miles) UU church near where we're planning to move. The house we're looking at has quite a lot of property, enough to let the cats roam outside, and it has an indoor swimming pool. Yes, an indoor swimming pool. And a hot tub. It looks like a beautiful house amid an inspiring landscape. I would have the chance to bike, since it's extremely flat compared to here. From the local library, I could have access to any book in the county, and possibly nearby counties as well. And there could possibly be a GSA at the school I'd be attending. I'd have more opportunities for almost anything. I'd be living near relatives. We wouldn't have to pay as much tax, although my mom's salary would be slightly lower and the house payments slightly higher, so that's not much of a difference. And something rather awesome is that we'd have a four bedroom house if we get that house. SWEET!

I'm so torn about moving. Huge cons, huge pros; so much to give up, so much to gain. I think I'll just pray things work out for the best... and that my depressed friend doesn't commit suicide, or even take up cutting or drugs.

Speaking of prayer, something amazing happened today. I really wanted to play "How Great Thou Art" on the piano before my mom got home because she always criticizes when I have new music. I searched and searched and didn't find the music. So I tried to sort of figure it out from memory. I remembered some possible notes it could start on, so I figured out the tune and some of the chords. I realized it wasn't going to work out that well, so I prayed I'd find the music. Shortly after, I had this urge to check in a somewhat absurd place, and whaddaya know, it was there, along with some other good music. "How Great Thou Art" is special to me because my dad's dad played it on guitar (and sung it) at my dad's funeral. It's a beautiful song, and as far as I know, not Christian.

Well, I think that's all of interest so far, not that anyone is actually reading this (most likely). At least it ended on a more positive note.


I may really like that one girl, but I think if I had to choose, I'd choose the boy I like. I'm pretty sure he likes me.

Okay, I'll just come out and say it, but it's not so simple, it's a story. Here goes:

I was waiting for the bus (for some reason the first bus was there but the others were way behind and some weren't actually near the school. His bus wasn't there either, so as I was walking up to where my bus usually parks he asked about what bus I rode and I told him and asked him back bla bla bla. Then one of his friends (a grade younger I think) came up and asked if he was going to his house to shoot their video. The boy (I'll call him A) then explained to me about their youtube video series, I didn't quite catch the name but that didn't stop me from looking when I got home. I won't say what it was about for privacy reasons but it sounded interesting, so I kinda laughed. Then A's friend was like, "Is that the girl you're always talking about?" A said, "oh, shut up!" quietly and blushed a lot and it was funny. Then he retorted with, "Is that the boy you're always talking about?" and pointed to some random seventh-grader. I don't remember much else because then my bus came. I was very happy for quite a while. He talks about me a lot? Well I guess I do talk about the things he says a lot. Maybe he does like me...

^__ ^

Sims 2 Glitches

So, possibly because I use XP, I end up with a lot of glitches on my computer. I don't really mind, though, since I know how to get by. However, I think I may have ended up with more than my fair share of The Sims 2 glitches.

Okay, for one thing, the game has always been kinda weird on my computers. First the old one, and now my laptop. Coincidence? Well, they are both XP.

Hmm, where to start...oh, perhaps with that the game COMPLETELY STOPPED WORKING FOR A LONG TIME. I had to go without it for nearly a year until I decided to just reinstall it already. I should explain what happened when it wouldn't work. The game would be loading something, usually CAS, and once two vertical bar-things were lit up, it would crash. This happened two or three times. I tried to load a lot, and that failed at some point. Then I tried to load a neigborhood, and that failed. So after that I gave up. So, nearly a year later, I reinstalled the game - all eight expansion packs, and both of the stuff packs I have. I moved the downloads in, and it stopped working. I uninstalled, reinstalled, and this time didn't move my downloads back, and whaddaya know, it worked! Glitch-free, for a while...then eventually I was looking through the trees and one looked all messed-up, like it was white. The texture was gone, and the replacement was white with black words that were related to the tree (wth?) and there appeared to be a red X across the texture file, as if someone went into paint and drew simple red lines from one corner to the other. Weird.

So, this happened to the guitar, and one of the workbenches, and I became busy and didn't play as much. Then, last summer, I switched computers. DUN DUN DUN! (idk)

It seemed alright for a long time. The game functions normally, except some weird things. There were, I think, two times when I ended up with bizzare glitches. The first was a plantsim family. They had a plantbaby, but the "There's a new baby in the family" box stayed up, meaning I had no access to the save option, or buy or build mode. That sucked. I had to leave the lot. But first, I decided to look at the sim's family tree to see if the baby was there. What I saw was strange, and gave insight into how the game works:

Weird. Cool, though, although I really wish I would've saved before making them have a plantbaby.

Now, just yesterday, I started playing as this family. I was planning for them to become a large family, but now I'm not sure that will happen. You see, I realized I forgot to add a sink, but as soon as I did, these boxes kept coming up saying what games I had installed. It went through the list, and I was hoping it would stop, but it just started over. I exited that lot, and I don't remember if I saved. I built these apartments, and tried them out. Then, to show my little brother the awesome nightclub I built that the apartments were next to, I went to that lot, but the second the lot loaded, the sink thing happened again. Why did I put a sink in a nightclub bathroom anyways? I don't usually put sinks in bathrooms. Well, I quit out of the game without going back home to save, and I have yet to try to play again. I'm just hoping the game works.

Oh yeah, I forgot the picture of the second glitch:

*sigh* I spent so long on that house. It was such a nice house, and it was affected by glitches. What a shame. I wonder if the glitch will keep doing that when I start the game up again, or if the game will even start? Oh well, I guess I'll just have to try later. But now, it's lunchtime.

isn't it strange?

Oh, how I long for summertime. It looks so warm outside, but it's 50 degrees. Pretty warm for February, but still...it looks so much warmer. I'm so. frickin. bored. I want to skip ahead a couple of months so I can start a garden or something. However, when I think about what life will be like in a few months, I realize how busy the next few months will be. The end of the year is when everything happens. Thinking about that reminds me I have some schoolwork to finish that is due Monday and will take a while. I want to start on it, but I'm too tired, and just so BORED. I also feel like I need someone to talk to, but at the same time I don't feel like talking to anyone at all. I want to draw something, but what? I just don't feel like doing anything. Maybe it's because there were a couple of weeks when I was pretty busy and I didn't get all my homework done, and now I have ample time and don't really want to do anything. I'm almost wishing there was school today.

Isn't all this strange?

If Mother 3 came to America...

Through Earthbound Central (gotta love that site) I found this. It's just an idea, but it's neat. However, I'm not sure I want it to be a reality.

Think about it. For one thing, NoA could mess it up in so many ways. They'd have to change some of the wording, and maybe even take out a scene or two. Also, it's perfectly formatted for GBA. The music might not sound so good on DS, and they'd have to use both screens somehow. Maybe a map on the top screen? But then that feeling of taking the map out for a quick look is gone.

However, my worries about that sort of thing are nothing compared to what would happen to the community. I'm not a big part of it, but I don't want a bunch of idiot n00bs screwing everything up any more than anyone else. Yeah, there'd be some good, useful new people, but the key word there is "some". "Some," as in roughly 10% or less. Which means, for non-math-oriented people, 90% or more idiot n00bs. Do we really want that?

You could argue that that wouldn't happen, but how could it not? The main site is starmen.net. The game would probably be rated E10+ because of the Tanetane mushrooms (drugs, sort of) and the more...emotional scenes. Young children may be haunted by Hinawa's death, or even the ending. Well, E10+ games are usually played by kids about eight and up (or younger, but younger kids aren't as interested in that sort of game) so we could potentially end up with a bunch of 9-year-olds clogging the intertubes with stupid crap. When I was a little younger I had these two friends. They played games like Animal Crossing, but also some games like this one, I don't remember what it was called but I think it was something like Bakugan, although I don't know much about Bakugan. Anyways, I realize now they were idiots. They weren't remotely serious about games, they just liked being able to say they'd played them. They REALLY needed better hobbies than playing games for the sake of popularity. These were the same people who played with Tamagochis for maybe a couple of weeks when a new version came out, and bragged about how far they'd gotten. Now, Tamagotchis were the first games I had aside from Genesis games as old as me that were not 3D. It's partly because of them I fell in love with pixels. At first, I wanted to know what I was missing, and some stupid, crazy part of me wanted to be popular. But I played with those things for a year or two before I found better things to do. Actually, not long after I stopped, I got Pokemon Diamond, my introduction to Japanese RPGs. Now when I look back, I realize I've always loved Japanese video games. Nearly all of my favorites were at some point translated from Japanese, from Ecco II that I played as a small child to the Pokemon games I loved so much to the classics I've dug up, unlike my peers who never dig up old things for fear of getting dirty. Metaphorically, of course.

Oh wow, I'm way off track. :P

Anyways, these people I knew are the sort of people that would give Mother fans a really bad name, and seriously piss off the more hardcore fans who actually care.

I guess I just believe that if it was meant to be and you work towards it, it will happen. Even though I only found the Mother series about a year ago, I feel as if I've always known those old friends, they're that integrated into my life. It's like The Simpsons, or computers, or books: even though it hasn't always been a part of my life, it sure feels like it. The point is, if someone is meant to become a Mother fan, they'll find their way to the series soon enough.

Being Bi

It's strange. I am attracted romantically to so few people, but they are both male and female. At the moment, there are two people I like, one boy and one girl. Ironically, they're both lefties. Anyways, I am fairly sure the girl isn't attracted to girls, but perhaps she is. After all, all her friends have dated several times already, but she has never dated at all. She never seems to have expressed much interest in romance, but I don't talk to her much anymore, so I'm not sure. But I overhear a lot of conversations, and hers are never remotely romance-related. She is pretty much the only person I know like that.

Well, I'm pretty sure I don't have a chance with her because of this, and that's a shame because she's smart, funny, and so beautiful. She's just...incredible, I guess. She isn't the sort of person you'd immediately call funny or beautiful, but I guess most people don't look at each individual person as art like I do.

The boy I like I may have a slight chance with. We're sort of friends, and I may have wrecked all chance with him because one day he was being nice and sort of flirty and I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say. I don't know what he thinks of me now, but he hasn't expressed much interest in what I say.

Sometimes boys in my PE class criticize the girls for changing in the stalls, but really most of them don't. I do because I don't want to have to look at girls that are changing. I'd probably end up blushing or staring or something. I'm always careful to walk into a stall quickly, leave the room quickly, and always avert my gaze when walking through. Fortunately the stalls are near the door.

As much as I don't want to change in front of other people because of my, uh, body shape (I'm not that fat, but I make the girls who think they're fat feel skinnier) I am more worried about looking at them in that way, I suppose.

I hate stupid complications like bisexuality.

I don't believe in Hell

A few days ago, I had an interesting but short conversation in school. One of my few friends, and even fewer male friends is a leftie who, like me, is Agnostic, although I lean more towards Unitarian Universalism. Somehow, the devil came up in a conversation between him and one of his friends when they were at the same table as me, and he said he doesn't believe in the devil because he is Agnostic. I said something like, "Why do we need a devil, with the human nature as it is?" And really, why would we need Hell, or even Heaven? The worst hell is life on Earth, and incredible happiness can be gained from life on Earth as well. I think life after death somehow exists, but not in any particular place. My views on life after death are similar to Buddhism: people are reincarnated, possibly as something else, but they are not alwyas reincarnated. This is where I become unsure. Do our souls just end? Do we become ghosts? Do we become something else entirely? Or do we go to Heaven? I don't believe in Hell, but as for Heaven, I don't know.

stupid obsessive catholics...

I was wondering what exactly Invader Zim was, so I looked it up on Wikipedia to get a general idea. As I suspected, it's a cartoon, but it doesn't appear to have run very long. According to the article, some Catholic group (like a magazine or something) said it was bad because it's "non-Catholic". Do they think they're the only ones on the earth or something?

The main thing I can think of that pertains to this is the fact that Catholics think they have the right to preach who should and shouldn't be able to marry in a country based on the ideas of equality for all and freedom. What the hell is wrong with these people? Yes, Catholic is the most popular religion in America, but most certainly not the only religion. Seriously, get with the program. We are past the days when ideas could be easily forced on others. We have entered into an age of each person choosing for themselves. Yes, I know you want to hold onto your traditions, but it should be illegal to try to force them onto the rest of us. This is why I prefer to not be associated with Catholicism.

something to check out

I don't know how much I'll be posting, but check out eternalrosecats.blogspot.com. My cats co-write a blog now! :P I even have pictures of them under their seperate accounts. It's especially fun to write from Chewy's perspective, he's such a spaz!

switching to firefox

Lately, I've been getting more and more pissed at Internet Explorer. First, some websites stop working. Then, some images don't save correctly. Then, most images don't save correctly. Then, certain features of websites don't work, or some web pages are mostly blank. Now, I've decided to start using Firefox already. I don't like IE7 or IE8, and as much as I like Google, I am NOT switching to Chrome. I guess I'm a Firefox person now.


This is the real deal. Try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning . . . and it only gets worse from there."

So began a Facebook message I got. I haven't used facebook for a long time, but I noticed I got a message, so I looked at it through my email.

When I began reading it, I laughed. I should explain why. For two weeks, I anticipated my period, and then this morning it starts. I feel completely shitty, and I have all day, starting this morning. Doesn't that mirror the message in a strange way? How could tomorrow be worse? I mean, I embarassed myself in PE both yesterday and today, I got put in the spotlight in English, I epically failed an Algebra homework (how many is this now? at least I have a nice teacher who lets me redo the awful ones), the boy I like not only stopped showing any signs whatsoever of even slightly liking me, but decided not to go to the dance. I stayed home anyways; I wouldn't have felt like going. My best friend made me feel guilty for skipping jazz band when I felt awful, and I am in constant discomfort. How could tomorrow be worse? LOL.

Well, what it said for me was kinda interesting. It's an interesting take on Saggitarious, which is usually interpreted in a way that is the exact opposite of me. But this made it sound like when you're born could have an effect on your personality.

"SAGITTARIUS - The Promiscuous One
Spontaneous. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found.. Loves being in long relationships. So much love to give. A loner most of the time. Loses patience easily and will not take crap. If in a bad mood stay FAR away. Gets offended easily and remembers the offense forever. Loves deeply but at times will not show it, feels it is a sign of weakness. Has many fears but will not show it. VERY private person. Defends loved ones with all their abilities. Can be childish often. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique appeal. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in bed..!!! Not the kind of person you want to mess with- you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not forward."

Spontaneous? Yes. High appeal? No. Rare to find? More than anyone realizes. Not Saggitarious, people like me, I mean. Loves long relationships, lots of love, loner, quick temper, anti-crap personality? Yeppers.

Gets offended easily and remembers forever? Why, yes, I will remember for the rest of my life? Is that a bad thing?... Since when? You know what, screw you. Now back to the interpretation notes:

Loves deeply but often doesn't show it? Well, I have AS, whaddaya expect?! It's not because I think it's weak, though. Very private, defensive of loved ones, sometimes childish: yes. Pretty, no (in my opinion). Romantic, well, more of a hopeless romantic. Amazing in bed - wait, what?! I am a virgin, thank you very much. Well, I am a bit young to be having sex. Not that my reasons have anything to do with age, more with waiting for someone who I would trust that much, who I am also in love with.

Now, that part about that people that mess with me may end up crying - very true. Although I don't intend for them to cry at the time, I suspect I really upset someone. She was bitching about my friend who was right next to her, and I started trying to confuse her, piss her off, and make a good point at the same time. She laughed at me, and the next school day she didn't say anything. I think she may have realized it was an insult eventually. Idiot. Well, she started telling everyone about our conversation, but twisted around the conversation in her favor, and what she claimed my exact words were became a phrase thrown around a lot by her small group of "popular" idiots who are never going to pass high school, and are probably proud of it. She said that phrase to me a few days ago, almost two months after the incident, and I ignored her. I know for a fact she was hoping for a reaction, perhaps in the hopes of comforting herself that I was embarrased about what I said or something. Honestly, at this point, who the hell cares?

One of my friends (the one the girl I just told about was talking shit about) gets bullied a lot, because she does things that make her look weak. I don't let them see my weaknesses, and considering people like me are a common target for bullying and yet I am left alone, I think I'm doing a good job. It's a nice feeling when someone is trying to cut in line, and all you have to do is gently elbow them and they back off because they know you will not hesitate to report anything.

The social side of going to school is so complicated. In one social studies class, one of the things we learned was that in Germany, they used to have a system where the better you did in school, the longer you stayed in school. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! I could finish school and literally leave the douchebags in the dust. I would probably end up being some type of scientist or teacher, and all the idiots who seem to almost want to fail could just give up and be done with school. That would be heaven for the teachers, smart students, and the dropouts. Only then I suppose the idiots would be multiplying like rabbits while the smarter people work to make their lives better - hey, that's exactly like our system today. Big surprise. I am really hoping 2012 brings a new era of intelligence, something our society lacks.

Another Videogame Rant

So, for quite a while I brought in sheet music I had found to my piano lessons, all from video games. It was months before my teacher showed any interest at all in the subject, when she brought up Scribblenauts. And then I realized - she thought all games were first-person-shooters.

I began to wonder - how many adults think all videogames are violent and influence young people to do bad things? There are so many other genres, such as puzzle games (such as Tetris and Bejewled) and RPG's, most of which fall into the adventure category (too many to list here). Then there are platformers (like the Mario series) and arcade games (Pac-Man is my example here). There are simulation games (The Sims) and even more RPG's (like Lego Star Wars). Then, there are first-person-shooters (like Halo), which are what most teenagers play. I am a teenager, however, and I dislike those sorts of games. So why must all adults assume all games are violent? Tetris sure isn't violent! And what about games like Earthbound? Although it has fighting, you can hardly call it graphic, or even violent. Certainly not the sort of thing that would influence children to love violence. Oh, the poor misnomers like Chrono Trigger, that are wonderful (I haven't actually finished it though) but because of something in the name it is assumed to be violent. Well, Chrono Trigger is somewhat violent, but it's definately not even related to first-person-shooters.

People need to see the whole picture. Yes, first-person-shooters are the most common among young people, but adults need not assume that we're all playing mindless gory war games. I play RPG's. I play puzzle games. I play games like Wii Fit Plus. I play The Sims 2. BIG FLIPPIN DEAL. Mother 3's plot was more moving than most, no, any book I've ever read. And people have the nerve to suggest I play those sorts of games I hate.

Disclaimer: I have nothing against those who play first-person-shooters, just the games themselves.

Claus? WTF?

OMG. I have no idea what this is (find the original article here) but is it just me or does that look a lot like Claus? Okay, technically that would be the Masked Man, but whatev. Here's the pic:


They like totally ripped off the Masked Man! And it's even more suspicious because it's Japanese. Nah, just kidding about that last bit. But Japanese people are more likely to have heard of the Mother series, or more specifically, Mother 3. It just came out kinda harsh.

So...yeah...that's all...bye! *dashes out*

how strange

Occasionally I get obsessed with some obscure little niche in a wide field. This isn't quite the same, but it's similar.

What is it this time? My favorite The Simpsons character. I mean, of all the characters I could've chosen from, I just had to pick the one that appears like 10 times in the whole series, didn't I? Well, you gotta admit: Sideshow Bob is somehow unlike the rest of the Springfieldians and fits in perfectly at the same time.

The first time I heard of Sideshow Bob was when we went to Universal Studios (the Hollywood one). I used to watch The Simpsons all the time when I was about first grade-ish. I remember this one time when the teacher showed some new items we could pick from the treasure chest, and one was a Lisa Simpson toy. She asked if any of us watched the show, and most of the class did. The Simpsons isn't so bad, but I wonder what the hell my parents were thinking letting me watch Futurama and Family Guy when I was that little. Oh well, it's too late to change that.

Anyways, I stopped watching it when I got to somewhere around The Age of Reason (AKA seven/eight-ish years old) and the next time I remember watching it was once in fifth grade. It was the one where Lisa is really sad and goes and plays saxophone with this black jazz musician in the middle of the night, which is really bizzare if you think about it. I know it was that episode because she says she's the saddest second-grader, or something along those lines, and my brother was in second grade at the time.

I didn't watch the simpsons again until the summer before eighth grade. Okay, maybe I watched it once or twice, but not very much, aside from watching the movie once or twice. We found that The Simpsons (can I stop underlining it now? I'm too tired to type HTML brackets...) was on while we were in Canada, and at the time, I had seen the movie a few times, but not the show. We watched a few episodes. I remember thinking some of it was a little mature for Gabe, as he was only seven at the time, but I ended up enjoying it a bit. Well, when the school year started, I had free time aplenty, and I watched more TV. We watched a lot of Malcolm in the Middle, which is a good show. Slowly, that faded out and was replaced by The Simpsons because of Adam, and at first I was annoyed. Not pissed, just kinda annoyed. I didn't have a lot of time to watch TV anyways, so it didn't matter too much. Now, I would gladly watch Malcolm again, but The Simpsons is all I really get to watch any more. I don't really mind, though. It's not a bad show (my best friend and I disagree on that, she thinks it's awful but I think it's a great show) and it kind of reminds me of Spongebob in a way: you can laugh at it and end up feeling better if you were depressed or angry. Also, the main characters of both are yellow. However, Spongebob doesn't make fun of everything under the sun.

Well, I suppose I should get back to Sideshow Bob. At some point I ended up watching a show with him in it, and at the moment I don't recall which one, but there aren't exactly a lot to choose from.

I looked it up, I think it was either Sideshow Bob Roberts or Krusty gets Busted.

ANYWAYS, I got kind of curious. A character so different from the others on the show, so strange, so hilarious but still classy...That's not really the sort of character a show should have more than one of, or, unfortunately, have appear very often.

So there you have it: what I think are probably the reasons Robert Terwilliger is my favorite Simpsons character. Partly to practice self-psychoanalasys, partly 'cause I am BORED.

sooooooooooooooo tired

How long will these cycles go on? Each week, there are five school days, and two days of rest. I spend the school days at school, and often don't come home until late. I spend my weekend doing stupid little things that relieve my stress but waste my time. And every school day, I wake up, sleep in a few minutes, eventually get dressed, get my school stuff together, rarely eat breakfast, and leave for school, one way or another. At school, I go through various classes...band, PE, something fun, english, a lunch break, a couple of interesting but not my favorite classes, and a pretty good last class. Then I usually do something, like piano lessons or jazz band, and go home eventually. I go on the computer, eat while either reading or watching TV, and do homework. I watch TV or go on the computer some more, and then take a shower and go to bed.

This cycle is so pointless. I can't wait for summer. But even then, I will be stuck in a cycle. Perhaps I will never escape.

I just don't know


I have been watching a LOT of Simpsons lately. And one day while looking through LuigiWithCheese/TheGreatChickenMiasma's Deviant art stuff (what? she's a great artist, and I love "He Said, She Said". Well, I found this MPreg meme, and I clicked on the link to the original, and there was this list to all the completed ones. And there was this one, about where Cecil got Bob pregnant, and it was just plain funny. I'm not much of an MPreg person, but...lol

And then that artist (can't for the life of me remember her name) made this comic, it was like 17 pages, and it left it hanging so frickin badly I was so furious!!! And I've been thinking about that meme, and that comic, all of the past two days...WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! Usually I'm not quite this obsessive over tiny niches in the great awesomeness known as fandom. But that comic was so well done, and dramatic...usually I don't even read that sort of stuff, but this one was so impressive, and I just had to keep reading...but maybe I shouldn't have, because now I feel insane...

Oh well. I already knew I was crazy XD

Thinking about beliefs

Well...I don't know. That's why I consider myself Agnostic. What I do know is a mix of too many belief systems to be sure of. I agree with most of Buddhism and Unitarian Universalism, but I see wisdom in Wicca and Christianity as well. I believe there is one god who rules over our existance, although I do not say for sure that there are not other universes, with other gods ruling over them.

I do believe that this Supreme Being, Great Spirit, whatever, takes on various forms. There is Fate, which determines how the threads of the tapestry can possibly be woven. There is what Catholics call the Holy Spirit, who gives us what we need to get through life. There is what Catholics call the Father, who created the universe in such perfect symmetry and perfection that it can work out in the end.

I do not know if there is a purpose to life. Could it be that God created us for amusement? That would be a sick joke to many theoligians.

But think about it. There are games like The Sims where virtual people are created, and are at the mercy of the person playing the game. There are movies like the Matrix (which I never got to see the end of) in which our world is an illusion. There are books like the Ender series, in which there is a being that is of no species that might just be God. There is an episode of The Simpsons in which Lisa accidentally creates a tiny civilization in a petri dish, who worship her as God and believe Bart to be the devil. She ends up "debiggified" and is in the petri dish, which is in Bart's possesion, by the way. What if there are many gods, most creating at least one universe? What if our planet is akin to a cell in an incredibly huge human being? It would explain why things are going wrong lately, almost like a dying cell. After all, some cells live longer than others. Or our planet could be like an organelle. Now that would be scary.

It's things like the above ranting that are the reason I'm Agnostic.


During Jazz Band (after school band) I saw someone's binder. It had, written rather artfully, "FREAK," written on it. All the bad memories rushed back. And I began to wonder if the universe wanted us to reconcile.

For a while, a dragon-shaped music box she had given me has been looking oddly at me. Well, not exactly. But at any given moment, if I glance over, its eye is sparkling brightly. At one point, the dragon broke. A wing and a spike on the back broke off, as well as some small chips. My mom and I repaired it. Perhaps our friendship can be repaired as well. I really am beginning to wonder if Fate/God/the universe wants us to be friends again. Once I got home, there was something else. It'll take some explaining though.

So once, long ago, I decided to make some perler bead flowers, and I was planning to divvy them between me and my friends, and perhaps we could even use them as a sort of currency, although that was rather far-fetched. Well, I also made the first letter of each of our names, in our favorite colors. Well, probably because of a cat, hers was on the floor, a small letter "E" begging to be noticed. All the other letters seem to be missing.

Now I think of it, at church this weekend (I was forced to go) one of the readings was about how the Holy Spirit gives us each a gift, and we can't...uh...do something I forgot, alone, because no one has all of the gifts. Well, Emily (how strange it is to type her name these days) was always the caring one, the goofy, naive one who was blessed with a lot of friends and a loving family, even though her parents were divorced and remarried. But since she moved back to town, she's been cold. Crueler than she was. Too smart, too perfect to blend in at all. The sort of person you either love or resent. I don't know if I want to be her friend, or if she even has time for a friend who doesn't like to text, or be fasionable, or has wonderful social skills. But what I wanted to do this year was to befriend someone, and maybe I should start with forgetting what happened last year and trying to spend some time with her again.

I hate when I guilt myself into doing something.

Down the Drain

In a book called "The Perks of Being a Wallflower," I found a poem. Here it is:

"Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three a.m. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen."

A couple of days ago I showed it to my best friend, because she writes dark poetry and I thought she might...idunno, enjoy it? be inspired? Anyways, I was thinking about how life starts out great and ends up awful. For instance, when my brother Adam was too little to be in my life much, I had a great life. Now that same brother is only in fifth grade, and swears too much for someone his age. Now I find out he's been skipping homework, and lying about it to his teacher and to Mom. *insert Picard Facepalm here* He's such an idiot. Why the hell does he think that if he doesn't put any work into anything, it will all turn out wonderful in the end?! He thinks life is so simple. When I was in fricking third grade I knew better than to think that way.

So many young people I see at school think that way as well. Most of them don't realize that if they skip their homework and do drugs, they can still have a great life when they're older. Well how do they expect to get money if they drop out of (or fail) high school? Do they really want to live off of their parent's money all their lives and eat McDonalds and either die before their parents or have no money once their parents are dead? American society is slowly degrading, dissolving, disintigrating, slowly but steadily collapsing into nothing. And someday, there won't be any way to fix it. It's only the people like me who might as well have no voice seeing as how much people listen to us, who can see what is happening and what may fix it.

Sometimes I really wish I would've been born on a planet of peaceful, wise peoples working towards a society worth living in.


I saw Avatar today. It was good. It really reminded me of the Ender series, or at least the first three books. I've read Ender's Game, Speaker for the Dead, and Xenocide twice, and Children of the Mind once. I also read the War of Gifts one, but that's beside the point.

I saw a lot of similarities. For one, a normal person has to learn the ways of an alien species to help their species destroy them. They end up caring about the other species, and try to save them. Both are the only one capable. Neither is on Earth.

Also, both the pequininos and the na'vi are one with the world around them, though in different ways. Both respect and care for the forest like a god, but there are other reasons. In both cases, the scientists who have the right general theory are considered crazy - the "What have you been smoking out there?!" line was funny, but very tactless.

Also, the part where - oh, whatever his name is - somehow gets is soul switched into the avatar body seemed very familiar. I didn't realize why for hours, and then it hit me - Miro. Miro was injured trying to cross an electric fence, and became crippled. The mental damage didn't affect his thinking, but it affected his motor abilities greatly. He was considered, well, retarded, even though he was brilliant, just because he spoke slowly and not very well and had trouble moving, rather like an autistic person. Then, when they were Outside, he created a body like the one he had before the incident, and his aiua (soul/spirit/mind) switched to that body, and he was no longer crippled. In Avatar, that one guy was paralyzed waist-down, and after his aiua (to use a term that makes more sense to me) moved to the half-na'vi body, and he could walk - and run, climb, whatever - again.

It was a great movie, but in my opinion, it would be awkward to watch at home with my family. I don't like watching what I call extreme science fiction (with concepts far beyond what most people imagine) with my family. It's...awkward. I think, anyways. I'm not sure. I also don't like watching movies in general with them because I laugh a lot more than they do.

Well...I still would like to watch it again, in the summer, on my laptop, with headphones, without letting anyone know I'm watching it.

Boy Scouts of America is evil...

Well, I decided to do some reading on Buddhism. It sounds interesting. But while reading, I came across something somehow, I don't remember how.

The Boy Scouts of America reject atheists, agnostics, and non-heterosexuals.

What. The. Hell.

The BSA is a Catholic-influenced group that practices hypocrisy by saying they teach boys to be good, accepting citizens, but at the same time discriminating. That's just awful. And my mom was considering making my brothers join them!

So from what I read, if a boy scout lies or something, they are counseled privately and kindly. But if they admit to having a less common sexual orientation, they get kicked out. WTF. Sexual orientation is beyond our control, not chosen. You can have a homosexual relationship without being homosexual, but you can't choose to be homosexual. I know from experience. Over time, I gradually realized I had had crushes on female friends, but I didn't realize it for several years.

Anyways, I already knew the BSA were sexist (why aren't girls part of it? Girl Scouts is a pathetic, just plain lame organization), but homophobic and atheist-hating? And why agnostics? I am agnostic, and I believe in some sort of God. I believe in life after death of some sort - either reincarnation or becoming a sort of ghost. I believe Hell does not exist - why does it need to exist if life on Earth can so easily become hell? And if God is so loving, why would he let people get sent to Hell? What happened to the millions of second chances thing? It does not add up.

ANYWAYS, the BSA is awful, and although hatred is wrong, I have to admit, I sure am hating them at the moment.

Attempting to Banish Anger

My mom is mad again. I'm trying not to let it get to me. I made a new year's resolution to be a better person. It may not be the new year yet, but I don't care. To me it is.

I already sort-of prayed and sort-of meditated. Basically, I lit a candle and set it in the window, and I set out eight objects: a white rose-shaped floating candle with a petal broken off, to represent truth, because I want to try to find truth; a blue container candle to represent purification, because I want to be a better person; a red candle I lit a lot during Advent that for me, represents giving and caring about others; a pink rose-shaped floating candle in a little red glass tealight candle holder, to represent that I wanted to find love this year, or at least get a boyfriend/girlfriend; a mirror with magnification to represent bringing things into clearer focus; a black-glazed ceramic cat I made in art, to represent that I want to help cats, since they are often forgotten; a nice pendant, because I want to see beauty in the world and create beautiful art and play beautiful music; and a rock with a kanji meaning "friend" that I found in Seattle. Basically, I'm not sure why, but I sort of prayed/meditated on the things I want to happen in the next year. Of course, there's teh classic goal of becoming more fit, but more than that, I want Sapphire to be at a healthy weight for a medium-sized female cat, and Sally to eat more normally.

Isn't it awesome that the last full moon of the year is the last day of the year?