Where to even begin.
Let's start out with something to fill the gap between religion-related topics: after three years of thought, I have realized I was meant to be Unitarian Universalist. Well, my family is Catholic and doesn't understand the point of other religions very well. Today at church my mom made me walk up with them, even though I didn't have any money to add to the collection basket. I was worried she was going to make me talk to the priest after mass. I didn't actually tell her that I now consider myself a different religion, I just said I was seriously considering UU. Now she's probably going to start calling me a heathen if I complain about going to church because I'm sick or something. FML.
Another reason I don't fit in with my family: I am bisexual and can't tell my mom, and have Asperger's and even though it's so frickin blinding obvious, she doesn't believe me. WTF. I'm getting pissed off more and more because my mom is always ignoring me in favor of Adam, who is brattier than ever. Why me?
Also: the second anniversary of my dad's death is coming up, and just when things are going right, we're planning to move. WHAT THE HELL!? I am fairly sure the boy I like who seems like some sort of missing half of me and I'm already friends with likes me back. Also, my best friend who is on the verge of killing either her dogs or herself would go beyond the brink of insanity if I moved and very likely commit suicide.
Despite those huge cons of moving, there are definate pros: there is a nearby (well, about 40 miles) UU church near where we're planning to move. The house we're looking at has quite a lot of property, enough to let the cats roam outside, and it has an indoor swimming pool. Yes, an indoor swimming pool. And a hot tub. It looks like a beautiful house amid an inspiring landscape. I would have the chance to bike, since it's extremely flat compared to here. From the local library, I could have access to any book in the county, and possibly nearby counties as well. And there could possibly be a GSA at the school I'd be attending. I'd have more opportunities for almost anything. I'd be living near relatives. We wouldn't have to pay as much tax, although my mom's salary would be slightly lower and the house payments slightly higher, so that's not much of a difference. And something rather awesome is that we'd have a four bedroom house if we get that house. SWEET!
I'm so torn about moving. Huge cons, huge pros; so much to give up, so much to gain. I think I'll just pray things work out for the best... and that my depressed friend doesn't commit suicide, or even take up cutting or drugs.
Speaking of prayer, something amazing happened today. I really wanted to play "How Great Thou Art" on the piano before my mom got home because she always criticizes when I have new music. I searched and searched and didn't find the music. So I tried to sort of figure it out from memory. I remembered some possible notes it could start on, so I figured out the tune and some of the chords. I realized it wasn't going to work out that well, so I prayed I'd find the music. Shortly after, I had this urge to check in a somewhat absurd place, and whaddaya know, it was there, along with some other good music. "How Great Thou Art" is special to me because my dad's dad played it on guitar (and sung it) at my dad's funeral. It's a beautiful song, and as far as I know, not Christian.
Well, I think that's all of interest so far, not that anyone is actually reading this (most likely). At least it ended on a more positive note.
Showing posts with label Sexual Orientation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sexual Orientation. Show all posts
joy
I may really like that one girl, but I think if I had to choose, I'd choose the boy I like. I'm pretty sure he likes me.
Okay, I'll just come out and say it, but it's not so simple, it's a story. Here goes:
I was waiting for the bus (for some reason the first bus was there but the others were way behind and some weren't actually near the school. His bus wasn't there either, so as I was walking up to where my bus usually parks he asked about what bus I rode and I told him and asked him back bla bla bla. Then one of his friends (a grade younger I think) came up and asked if he was going to his house to shoot their video. The boy (I'll call him A) then explained to me about their youtube video series, I didn't quite catch the name but that didn't stop me from looking when I got home. I won't say what it was about for privacy reasons but it sounded interesting, so I kinda laughed. Then A's friend was like, "Is that the girl you're always talking about?" A said, "oh, shut up!" quietly and blushed a lot and it was funny. Then he retorted with, "Is that the boy you're always talking about?" and pointed to some random seventh-grader. I don't remember much else because then my bus came. I was very happy for quite a while. He talks about me a lot? Well I guess I do talk about the things he says a lot. Maybe he does like me...
^__ ^
Okay, I'll just come out and say it, but it's not so simple, it's a story. Here goes:
I was waiting for the bus (for some reason the first bus was there but the others were way behind and some weren't actually near the school. His bus wasn't there either, so as I was walking up to where my bus usually parks he asked about what bus I rode and I told him and asked him back bla bla bla. Then one of his friends (a grade younger I think) came up and asked if he was going to his house to shoot their video. The boy (I'll call him A) then explained to me about their youtube video series, I didn't quite catch the name but that didn't stop me from looking when I got home. I won't say what it was about for privacy reasons but it sounded interesting, so I kinda laughed. Then A's friend was like, "Is that the girl you're always talking about?" A said, "oh, shut up!" quietly and blushed a lot and it was funny. Then he retorted with, "Is that the boy you're always talking about?" and pointed to some random seventh-grader. I don't remember much else because then my bus came. I was very happy for quite a while. He talks about me a lot? Well I guess I do talk about the things he says a lot. Maybe he does like me...
^__ ^
Being Bi
It's strange. I am attracted romantically to so few people, but they are both male and female. At the moment, there are two people I like, one boy and one girl. Ironically, they're both lefties. Anyways, I am fairly sure the girl isn't attracted to girls, but perhaps she is. After all, all her friends have dated several times already, but she has never dated at all. She never seems to have expressed much interest in romance, but I don't talk to her much anymore, so I'm not sure. But I overhear a lot of conversations, and hers are never remotely romance-related. She is pretty much the only person I know like that.
Well, I'm pretty sure I don't have a chance with her because of this, and that's a shame because she's smart, funny, and so beautiful. She's just...incredible, I guess. She isn't the sort of person you'd immediately call funny or beautiful, but I guess most people don't look at each individual person as art like I do.
The boy I like I may have a slight chance with. We're sort of friends, and I may have wrecked all chance with him because one day he was being nice and sort of flirty and I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say. I don't know what he thinks of me now, but he hasn't expressed much interest in what I say.
Sometimes boys in my PE class criticize the girls for changing in the stalls, but really most of them don't. I do because I don't want to have to look at girls that are changing. I'd probably end up blushing or staring or something. I'm always careful to walk into a stall quickly, leave the room quickly, and always avert my gaze when walking through. Fortunately the stalls are near the door.
As much as I don't want to change in front of other people because of my, uh, body shape (I'm not that fat, but I make the girls who think they're fat feel skinnier) I am more worried about looking at them in that way, I suppose.
I hate stupid complications like bisexuality.
Well, I'm pretty sure I don't have a chance with her because of this, and that's a shame because she's smart, funny, and so beautiful. She's just...incredible, I guess. She isn't the sort of person you'd immediately call funny or beautiful, but I guess most people don't look at each individual person as art like I do.
The boy I like I may have a slight chance with. We're sort of friends, and I may have wrecked all chance with him because one day he was being nice and sort of flirty and I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything to say. I don't know what he thinks of me now, but he hasn't expressed much interest in what I say.
Sometimes boys in my PE class criticize the girls for changing in the stalls, but really most of them don't. I do because I don't want to have to look at girls that are changing. I'd probably end up blushing or staring or something. I'm always careful to walk into a stall quickly, leave the room quickly, and always avert my gaze when walking through. Fortunately the stalls are near the door.
As much as I don't want to change in front of other people because of my, uh, body shape (I'm not that fat, but I make the girls who think they're fat feel skinnier) I am more worried about looking at them in that way, I suppose.
I hate stupid complications like bisexuality.
Boy Scouts of America is evil...
Well, I decided to do some reading on Buddhism. It sounds interesting. But while reading, I came across something somehow, I don't remember how.
The Boy Scouts of America reject atheists, agnostics, and non-heterosexuals.
What. The. Hell.
The BSA is a Catholic-influenced group that practices hypocrisy by saying they teach boys to be good, accepting citizens, but at the same time discriminating. That's just awful. And my mom was considering making my brothers join them!
So from what I read, if a boy scout lies or something, they are counseled privately and kindly. But if they admit to having a less common sexual orientation, they get kicked out. WTF. Sexual orientation is beyond our control, not chosen. You can have a homosexual relationship without being homosexual, but you can't choose to be homosexual. I know from experience. Over time, I gradually realized I had had crushes on female friends, but I didn't realize it for several years.
Anyways, I already knew the BSA were sexist (why aren't girls part of it? Girl Scouts is a pathetic, just plain lame organization), but homophobic and atheist-hating? And why agnostics? I am agnostic, and I believe in some sort of God. I believe in life after death of some sort - either reincarnation or becoming a sort of ghost. I believe Hell does not exist - why does it need to exist if life on Earth can so easily become hell? And if God is so loving, why would he let people get sent to Hell? What happened to the millions of second chances thing? It does not add up.
ANYWAYS, the BSA is awful, and although hatred is wrong, I have to admit, I sure am hating them at the moment.
The Boy Scouts of America reject atheists, agnostics, and non-heterosexuals.
What. The. Hell.
The BSA is a Catholic-influenced group that practices hypocrisy by saying they teach boys to be good, accepting citizens, but at the same time discriminating. That's just awful. And my mom was considering making my brothers join them!
So from what I read, if a boy scout lies or something, they are counseled privately and kindly. But if they admit to having a less common sexual orientation, they get kicked out. WTF. Sexual orientation is beyond our control, not chosen. You can have a homosexual relationship without being homosexual, but you can't choose to be homosexual. I know from experience. Over time, I gradually realized I had had crushes on female friends, but I didn't realize it for several years.
Anyways, I already knew the BSA were sexist (why aren't girls part of it? Girl Scouts is a pathetic, just plain lame organization), but homophobic and atheist-hating? And why agnostics? I am agnostic, and I believe in some sort of God. I believe in life after death of some sort - either reincarnation or becoming a sort of ghost. I believe Hell does not exist - why does it need to exist if life on Earth can so easily become hell? And if God is so loving, why would he let people get sent to Hell? What happened to the millions of second chances thing? It does not add up.
ANYWAYS, the BSA is awful, and although hatred is wrong, I have to admit, I sure am hating them at the moment.
Lesbian?
There is something I overheard twice today. It's rather interesting. From what I heard, I may be wrong, but it sounds like a fairly popular girl is a lesbian coming out of the closet. I know the second time, in algebra, I heard someone ask her something like, "Are you bi, or just gay?" And I KNOW I heard something similar in band.
For some reason, she always kinda struck me as a lesbian. I don't know why. Maybe I'm accidentally scanning, but I just had a feeling for no reason at all that she might be lesbian. Odd.
Oh yeah. I forgot something. In algebra, I think I also heard someone say something like, "So you're like a guy now?" lol. If lesbians acted like guys, then wouldn't the relationship be a lot like a gay relationship? And I'm a bi, and I don't really act like a girl or a boy. But I have an excuse: asperger's. Not interested in girly stuff like fashion, and not interested in manly stuff like sports? Am I like some sort of pseudo-tomboy? Or maybe I'm just more normal than I think.
It's interesting. I've always kinda considered this girl to be hot, but probably not lesbian and most likely way out of my league. And now she seems to be the school's only out-of-the-closet lesbian. Of course, I don't think I was meant to overhear any of that conversation...
For some reason, she always kinda struck me as a lesbian. I don't know why. Maybe I'm accidentally scanning, but I just had a feeling for no reason at all that she might be lesbian. Odd.
Oh yeah. I forgot something. In algebra, I think I also heard someone say something like, "So you're like a guy now?" lol. If lesbians acted like guys, then wouldn't the relationship be a lot like a gay relationship? And I'm a bi, and I don't really act like a girl or a boy. But I have an excuse: asperger's. Not interested in girly stuff like fashion, and not interested in manly stuff like sports? Am I like some sort of pseudo-tomboy? Or maybe I'm just more normal than I think.
It's interesting. I've always kinda considered this girl to be hot, but probably not lesbian and most likely way out of my league. And now she seems to be the school's only out-of-the-closet lesbian. Of course, I don't think I was meant to overhear any of that conversation...
Still no bf...or gf
I was asked out once, in seventh grade.
It was a boy who goes to the church I pretend to go to. A complete pervert, literally the worst in the school. Never shuts up, pisses everyone off constantly. You get the picture.
I had a crush on someone else, and I really didn't like this boy who asked me out, so I turned him down. Unfortunately, now everyone assumes I don't want to date anyone
I know a lot of people consider me a little young for that sort of thing. Well you know what? There's a girl my age or younger who had a baby. Yes, at my school. So I really don't think a boyfriend would be out of the picture.
Or a girlfriend. What a lot of people don't suspect is that I'm bi.
So far, I have had three crushes, not counting the little kid "I want to marry him when I grow up" sort of crush. I mean like, I can't wait to see them, make a point of talking to them and laughing at them.
The first, I didn't even realize until recently that it was a crush. It was a close friend, about my height. Blonde, goofy, funny...a girl. Well, once I grew out of that phase of liking her without realizing it, our friendship fractured after almost a decade. She had been my first friend when I moved in, and my most consistent friend. And then last year I asked her for some advice and you know what she did? She made fun of me and abandoned me when I needed someone to talk to.
The second was also an old friend, but a boy. Again, about my height. Dark, wavy hair that he always had brushed nicely. I hadn't known him as long as the last one, but close. I had always thought he was rather annoying, but then between elementary school and middle school, I started missing him in particular. I began dressing nicely in the hopes I'd see him. I had a crush on him for almost a year before deciding to give up.
Well, now I find myself crushing again...another boy about my height. I am short and I don't like being around tall people, especially if they're male. I've never been as comfortable around guys, anyways.
I also kinda like a girl, but she's Catholic and probably against homosexuality so I really doubt I'd have a chance. Also, I never really seem to think of guys as hot, just ladies. But I know this is the sort of town where having a girlfriend if you're a girl is not good. It's a small town, so your parents will almost certainly find out quickly. On top of that, even acting gay is practically considered a horrible crime.
I thought this country was supposed to be free? Wasn't the point of this country so that people could follow their own religion without being persecuted? So why do these "conservatives" think they have the right to ban same-sex marriage? It should be legal in all states, not just a few, simply because this is a country in which things are supposed to be that way. I suppose you could even argue that the government isn't protecting our natural rights, by blocking certain citizens' persuit of happiness by not making same-sex marriage legal. But of course, even in cases like this, that sort of thing has to be voted on, even though it makes perfect sense.
It was a boy who goes to the church I pretend to go to. A complete pervert, literally the worst in the school. Never shuts up, pisses everyone off constantly. You get the picture.
I had a crush on someone else, and I really didn't like this boy who asked me out, so I turned him down. Unfortunately, now everyone assumes I don't want to date anyone
I know a lot of people consider me a little young for that sort of thing. Well you know what? There's a girl my age or younger who had a baby. Yes, at my school. So I really don't think a boyfriend would be out of the picture.
Or a girlfriend. What a lot of people don't suspect is that I'm bi.
So far, I have had three crushes, not counting the little kid "I want to marry him when I grow up" sort of crush. I mean like, I can't wait to see them, make a point of talking to them and laughing at them.
The first, I didn't even realize until recently that it was a crush. It was a close friend, about my height. Blonde, goofy, funny...a girl. Well, once I grew out of that phase of liking her without realizing it, our friendship fractured after almost a decade. She had been my first friend when I moved in, and my most consistent friend. And then last year I asked her for some advice and you know what she did? She made fun of me and abandoned me when I needed someone to talk to.
The second was also an old friend, but a boy. Again, about my height. Dark, wavy hair that he always had brushed nicely. I hadn't known him as long as the last one, but close. I had always thought he was rather annoying, but then between elementary school and middle school, I started missing him in particular. I began dressing nicely in the hopes I'd see him. I had a crush on him for almost a year before deciding to give up.
Well, now I find myself crushing again...another boy about my height. I am short and I don't like being around tall people, especially if they're male. I've never been as comfortable around guys, anyways.
I also kinda like a girl, but she's Catholic and probably against homosexuality so I really doubt I'd have a chance. Also, I never really seem to think of guys as hot, just ladies. But I know this is the sort of town where having a girlfriend if you're a girl is not good. It's a small town, so your parents will almost certainly find out quickly. On top of that, even acting gay is practically considered a horrible crime.
I thought this country was supposed to be free? Wasn't the point of this country so that people could follow their own religion without being persecuted? So why do these "conservatives" think they have the right to ban same-sex marriage? It should be legal in all states, not just a few, simply because this is a country in which things are supposed to be that way. I suppose you could even argue that the government isn't protecting our natural rights, by blocking certain citizens' persuit of happiness by not making same-sex marriage legal. But of course, even in cases like this, that sort of thing has to be voted on, even though it makes perfect sense.
I don't wanna go to church...
My mom made me go to church this morning. It didn't help that she woke me up when we had like ten minutes left, and that because of her I didn't get to sleep until one in the morning, and that the first thing she did was open the curtains. You'd think by now she'd have figured out that I get up the fastest when it's dark.
Anyways, at church the homily was significant. It's the only thing I listen to anymore. The priest was talking about how people in cities think the world will end on December 21 2012, and freak out to the point where they want to take their lives and their family's lives. I agree with the church's viewpoint on 12/21/12, but for different reasons. They say that the world ends when it ends, and when it does they'll go to heaven. Well, I'm not living to try to go to heaven, I'm living for life on Earth, because whether or not heaven exists is debatable, but life on earth, whether real or not, does matter. My opinion on death is that it happens when it happens and there's nothing we can do about it, so why worry? When I die, I'll find out if life after death exists, but until then there's no way to know for sure. Yeah, I believe in ghosts, but what I'm talking about is heaven and hell. I don't believe in hell because if God loves us enough to send his son to save us, then why would he let a place like that even exist?
Another thing brought up in the homily is gay marriage. According to the church, it's wrong. However, all my life, despite what anyone said I've supported gay marriage, not openly, but at least I support it. If two people are in love, it doesn't matter if they're gay or straight, they have the right to be officially married. What if gays ruled the world and didn't let straight people get married?...Exactly. We would be trying to change the laws about it too.
Speaking of gays, I'm bi, and there's a girl I like but she's Catholic. I know even if she did like me there's no way she'd show it.
At church, there was a baptism. I didn't clap, because another child forced into a religion is not a good thing. I know if I have children, I sure ain't forcing them to believe one thing or another, aside from that all people are equal.
Another thing about the church is that they don't say anything about equality for all. What I see when I see the church is a sexist religion, one in which men have more choices, and most people are urged to marry within the church so that they will have children and add to the church. WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM?!?!
I consider myself a monotheistic agnostic with similar beliefs to the Unitarian Universalists. I don't think there's a UU church in this small town but when I move out and have a choice in religion, I'm going to do a lot of research about churches like that. I like how they believe all people are equal, and let people figure out their own beliefs for themselves with only a few rules, and even include science! However, there are other interesting ones I've heard of...Freemasonry, Secular Humanism, Quaker, etc...chances are I'm not going to fit into any religion and just stay as a monotheistic agnostic.
Anyways, at church the homily was significant. It's the only thing I listen to anymore. The priest was talking about how people in cities think the world will end on December 21 2012, and freak out to the point where they want to take their lives and their family's lives. I agree with the church's viewpoint on 12/21/12, but for different reasons. They say that the world ends when it ends, and when it does they'll go to heaven. Well, I'm not living to try to go to heaven, I'm living for life on Earth, because whether or not heaven exists is debatable, but life on earth, whether real or not, does matter. My opinion on death is that it happens when it happens and there's nothing we can do about it, so why worry? When I die, I'll find out if life after death exists, but until then there's no way to know for sure. Yeah, I believe in ghosts, but what I'm talking about is heaven and hell. I don't believe in hell because if God loves us enough to send his son to save us, then why would he let a place like that even exist?
Another thing brought up in the homily is gay marriage. According to the church, it's wrong. However, all my life, despite what anyone said I've supported gay marriage, not openly, but at least I support it. If two people are in love, it doesn't matter if they're gay or straight, they have the right to be officially married. What if gays ruled the world and didn't let straight people get married?...Exactly. We would be trying to change the laws about it too.
Speaking of gays, I'm bi, and there's a girl I like but she's Catholic. I know even if she did like me there's no way she'd show it.
At church, there was a baptism. I didn't clap, because another child forced into a religion is not a good thing. I know if I have children, I sure ain't forcing them to believe one thing or another, aside from that all people are equal.
Another thing about the church is that they don't say anything about equality for all. What I see when I see the church is a sexist religion, one in which men have more choices, and most people are urged to marry within the church so that they will have children and add to the church. WHAT IS THEIR PROBLEM?!?!
I consider myself a monotheistic agnostic with similar beliefs to the Unitarian Universalists. I don't think there's a UU church in this small town but when I move out and have a choice in religion, I'm going to do a lot of research about churches like that. I like how they believe all people are equal, and let people figure out their own beliefs for themselves with only a few rules, and even include science! However, there are other interesting ones I've heard of...Freemasonry, Secular Humanism, Quaker, etc...chances are I'm not going to fit into any religion and just stay as a monotheistic agnostic.
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