Thinking about beliefs

Well...I don't know. That's why I consider myself Agnostic. What I do know is a mix of too many belief systems to be sure of. I agree with most of Buddhism and Unitarian Universalism, but I see wisdom in Wicca and Christianity as well. I believe there is one god who rules over our existance, although I do not say for sure that there are not other universes, with other gods ruling over them.

I do believe that this Supreme Being, Great Spirit, whatever, takes on various forms. There is Fate, which determines how the threads of the tapestry can possibly be woven. There is what Catholics call the Holy Spirit, who gives us what we need to get through life. There is what Catholics call the Father, who created the universe in such perfect symmetry and perfection that it can work out in the end.

I do not know if there is a purpose to life. Could it be that God created us for amusement? That would be a sick joke to many theoligians.

But think about it. There are games like The Sims where virtual people are created, and are at the mercy of the person playing the game. There are movies like the Matrix (which I never got to see the end of) in which our world is an illusion. There are books like the Ender series, in which there is a being that is of no species that might just be God. There is an episode of The Simpsons in which Lisa accidentally creates a tiny civilization in a petri dish, who worship her as God and believe Bart to be the devil. She ends up "debiggified" and is in the petri dish, which is in Bart's possesion, by the way. What if there are many gods, most creating at least one universe? What if our planet is akin to a cell in an incredibly huge human being? It would explain why things are going wrong lately, almost like a dying cell. After all, some cells live longer than others. Or our planet could be like an organelle. Now that would be scary.

It's things like the above ranting that are the reason I'm Agnostic.


During Jazz Band (after school band) I saw someone's binder. It had, written rather artfully, "FREAK," written on it. All the bad memories rushed back. And I began to wonder if the universe wanted us to reconcile.

For a while, a dragon-shaped music box she had given me has been looking oddly at me. Well, not exactly. But at any given moment, if I glance over, its eye is sparkling brightly. At one point, the dragon broke. A wing and a spike on the back broke off, as well as some small chips. My mom and I repaired it. Perhaps our friendship can be repaired as well. I really am beginning to wonder if Fate/God/the universe wants us to be friends again. Once I got home, there was something else. It'll take some explaining though.

So once, long ago, I decided to make some perler bead flowers, and I was planning to divvy them between me and my friends, and perhaps we could even use them as a sort of currency, although that was rather far-fetched. Well, I also made the first letter of each of our names, in our favorite colors. Well, probably because of a cat, hers was on the floor, a small letter "E" begging to be noticed. All the other letters seem to be missing.

Now I think of it, at church this weekend (I was forced to go) one of the readings was about how the Holy Spirit gives us each a gift, and we can' something I forgot, alone, because no one has all of the gifts. Well, Emily (how strange it is to type her name these days) was always the caring one, the goofy, naive one who was blessed with a lot of friends and a loving family, even though her parents were divorced and remarried. But since she moved back to town, she's been cold. Crueler than she was. Too smart, too perfect to blend in at all. The sort of person you either love or resent. I don't know if I want to be her friend, or if she even has time for a friend who doesn't like to text, or be fasionable, or has wonderful social skills. But what I wanted to do this year was to befriend someone, and maybe I should start with forgetting what happened last year and trying to spend some time with her again.

I hate when I guilt myself into doing something.